So, I'm an avid reader of The Pintester. My daily obsession is due in part to the hilarity of every.single.post., but also because I feel like each time I try something I find on Pinterest I'm more surprised when it comes out halfway decent, and there's a sort of bond that I feel with someone else who is also not blessed with the "I saw a tiny thumbnail on Pinterest and copied it perfectly!" gene.
Sonja Foust, creator of this glorious addition to the internets, challenged her readers to participate in the #pintestermovement. I thought about it, but didn't really have the brain power to put much effort into trying out a pin. I'm a freaking high school teacher and it's the end of the year, y'all. I'm lucky I'm alive. And/or sober.
The idea of testing something and blogging about it is rather daunting to me. I always have the desire to blog, but as you can see from my blog history, I SUCK at the follow-through. HOWEVER, that's where luck came in, my friends. I accidentally sucked something up so bad it was like it was BEGGING to be blogged. I only realized the suck-ti-tude part of the way in, though, so I didn't know such things needed to be documented via camera. Use your imagination, peeps.
My friends and I went to the lake this weekend. Memorial Day weekend? Check. Turquoise waters? Check. Rain for three days? Check. Too much time indoors with boys watching Sci Fi? God yes. So, in the spirit of "camping" and "I'm incredibly freaking bored", I decided to make these S'mores Bark thingies I saw. I mean, the deliciousness of s'mores without the fire (not that a fire in a downpour is possible) and mess? Perfection! This is what they were supposed to turn out like:
Looks simple, right? The pin said "Lay out Graham crackers for the crust. Spread mini marshmallows, pour melted chocolate on it, let it cool. And Voila! S'mores bark." What could go wrong? So, I set out to wow my friends with a tasty feat of culinary strength. I must note that nowhere in my planning did I find it necessary to actually click on the Pinterest link and go to the website. Not that it would have mattered, because I actually had to Google the title to find it. Problem #1.
First, I busted out the double broiler to melt the chocolate. No microwaving here. I'm effing serious about melting chocolate. I poured in a whole bag of chocolate chips. While I waited for the chocolate to melt I spread graham crackers on a cookie sheet and covered it in marshmallows. At this point I started to think I may or may not have underestimated the cookie sheet to chocolate ratio. I looked at said double broiler and thought to myself, "Self, should you add something more to these chips? Milk, perhaps? Thin it out a little?" But, like any good cook, I said, "Nah," (in my best Si from Duck Dynasty voice). "CARRY ON!!!!"
Apparently this is what they mean when they say to listen to your gut...
Uhhhhh....... What. The. Eff.
At this point, I started saying words that weren't holy, drawing the attention of my best friend who thought it was VERY funny. So I said more bad words towards him and said to get out of my kitchen.
(This is me trying desperately to spread out the chocolate. For future reference, it is no easy task to spread chocolate that is quickly thickening on rolly mini marshmallows.)
BUT REALLY. It wouldn't spread AT ALL. So I improvised. I cleared off the extra marshmallows and placed the extra graham crackers on top. See??? It's even more s'more-like!
I think I was trying to convince myself that it wouldn't be a hot damn mess while not drawing attention from the rest of the crowd to my disaster.
The ever-helpful best friend who decided that leaving my kitchen was not in his best interest had taken up post leaning against the counter laughing. And drinking a beer. And laughing. But then he suggested I put the entire pan in the oven to further melt the chocolate and marshmallows and maybe the mess would spread out. What the hell? Couldn't get worse, right? That's why I keep him around.
I popped the disaster into the oven for a while, and NOTHING. Absolutely nothing happened. When I took them out they looked exactly the same as before. You would think that an oven at 400* would make a difference, but you would be wrong.
PINFAIL. Except then I remembered that, as ugly as they were, I was still looking at melted chocolate and marshmallows in a crispy graham crust. So we ate a few. You can't really kill melted chocolate and marshmallows, amirite?
The next day the chocolate had FINALLY hardened, but the marshmallows were stale and the grahams were soggy. Now, I'm not saying we didn't still pick at them, sans crust. But they weren't good. So, we resorted to the puppy chow I had made previously and didn't completely destroy. And then I threw more than half of them away. Along with my pride...
***Side bar - When I went to link to the original post I realized that the description on the pin LIED and I may or may not have missed key ingredients in the making of this "delicious" treat.... That explains that...***